Rest

It’s been about three weeks since I’ve last written anything on my blog or in my personal life. From these past three weeks, I’ve been constantly thinking about what I could write about, activities that I could be doing, places I should be going to, and books that I could be reading to grow myself mentally, physically, and financially.

However what I’ve really been doing these past three weeks is really nothing. Despite all my thinking and all my planning, I’ve done nothing to move myself forward. And each day I do nothing, my brain tells me that it’s okay to do nothing tomorrow too. That I’ll eventually pick myself up and start growing again. Like it’ll happen just like magic. What a load of bullshit right?

Today, I woke up and decided that I wasted enough time moping around, gaming, watching YouTube videos on nothing, and all around just waiting for something to happen. I figured that if I start writing that I’ll eventually start to feel like my old self again. That formulating ideas and looking for inspiration will start to motivate me to write and be a healthier version of myself again.

A place I go to find inspiration in North Vancouver

I was right. I feel like I learned a lot about myself these past three weeks. I’ve learned what it’s like to submit to your addictions over and over again. I’ve learned what it feels like to do absolutely nothing and to let yourself fall into complacency. I’ve learned that no matter how ever much you plan and no matter how much you think about doing something, that it’ll be a complete waste of time and effort if you don’t actually do the things you said you would do.

This post is both an apology and a reminder for myself. An apology to myself because over these past three weeks, I’ve deliberately slowed down my own growth. I let myself fall into complacency and I let myself get uninspired or lazy. I am sorry Collin. However this post is also a reminder for myself and for whoever else reading this that if you don’t go and fight for your dreams, if you get lazy and decide that maybe achieving your goals could be pushed to tomorrow, then you’re doing yourself a huge disservice. You’re essentially crippling yourself and pushing yourself back a day, a week, a month, or even a year from achieving your goals.

To end this post, I just wanted to let you know, Collin, that I believe in you. As corny as it sounds, I believe that you’ll achieve your goals one day. It wont be easy. Take some time to rest but don’t ever stop or lose inspiration. Eventually you’ll get there. And for whoever is reading this, I believe in you too. One day you’ll reach your goals and think back on the days when you thought you couldn’t do it and just laugh.

One thought on “Rest

  1. I hope you know that slowing down and indulging in things that simply bring you pleasure just because does not mean you have consciously slowed your own progress; you are a human being and you are allowed to stop. Watching YT videos or gaming can be a form of self care, and it’s as you said, you’re allowed to rest as long as you continue forward when you a ready. It’s a balance, and I hope you remind yourself to not buy into the mentality that indulgences are harmful to your growth – it’s okay.

    Liked by 1 person

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